Cartoons informed my world view more than they probably deserved.
DuckTales, Inspector Gadget, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles… the whole lot.
Being a musically-inclined youngin’, these songs have been forever-seared into my head… songs that serve as much as a content warning to mindful adults as they are meant to hype-up a 20-minute animated adventure story befitting a child.
Recently I’ve been navel-gazing about the adventures I’ve been on, the ones that could have been, and the ones still in front of me. Maybe not surprisingly, I have found considerable overlap in values between my favorite cartoons and what might be over the horizon in jobs to be done, in roles to be had, and in goals to accomplish.
I understand this to be normal and not indicative of midlife crisis. (n.b., I am great. Do not fret.)
Today, I offer readouts of my favorite cartoons growing up and how their mission statements resonate with how one might choose to spend their time, given circumstances.
In No Particular Order
- The Adventures of the Gummi Bears (1985)
- DuckTales (1987)
- The Transformers (1984)
- TailSpin (1990)
- Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers (1989)
- Darkwing Duck (1991)
- G.I. Joe (1983)
- Captain Planet and the Planeteers (1990)
- Animaniacs (1993)
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987)
- Inspector Gadget (1983)
- Stand Out from “A Goofy Movie” (1995)
Unrelated (but good for you to know) I can a cappella every song from memory.
Try me. Double-dog dare you.
Important Note: Lyrics to theme songs provided below are copyright their respective copyright holders so far as copyright law is concerned. Contextually, this should be exceedingly clear. Accuracy of lyrics is not guaranteed (I transcribed them myself). I can’t imagine anyone will mind, but I live in the US and we are a special kind of litigious. So disclaimers like this must be written.
Go Team USA.
The Adventures of the Gummi Bears (1985)
As typical, the theme song’s lyrics introduce the show quite well:
Dashing and daring, courageous, and caring; Faithful and friendly with stories to share. All through the forest they sing out in chorus, Marching along as their song fills the air— (Chorus) Gummi Bears!! Bouncing here and there and everywhere. High adventure that's beyond compare, They are the Gummi Bears. Magic and mystery are part of their history. (Along with the secret of Gummiberry Juice.) Their legend is growing. They take pride in knowing, They'll fight for what's right in whatever they do. (Chorus) They are the Gummi Bears!
I can imagine a Gummi Bear ported into the real world working for a Bluechip corporation, like a Coca-Cola or Tootsie Roll, where well-known high-regarded flagship products rely on highly-guarded formulas known to very few.
Magic and mystery are part of their history. (Along with the secret of Gummiberry Juice.)
These companies, like the Gummi Bears, are not terribly innovative except when it comes to protecting their IP.
But, there are some social advantages to being part of the group.
Faithful and friendly with stories to share.
Not a bad lot to be tossed in with. Could be fun.
They'll fight for what's right in whatever they do.
Especially in well-capitalized CSR departments.
DuckTales (1987)
As portrayed, über-wealthy protagonist Scrooge McDuck owns a giant Money Bin filled with gold and treasure. The demurrage alone would exceed all lifetime dollars earmarked via The Giving Pledge.
(The Money Bin holds more gold than all of planet Earth does… but we’ll put that aside for the moment.)
Spats-wearing Scrooge gets his kicks by endangering himself, family, and friends over his obsession: acquiring rare artifacts and historical documents, and settling personal grudges. He could work with professionals; but, like many plutocrats, distrusts others and prefers to keep familial associates.
D-D-D-Danger! (Watch behind you!)
There's a stranger out to find you!
While his success is well-earned (by canon), all of his activities seem to be in service of personal enrichment and hoarding additional wealth.
This is not to say he doesn’t care about his family—he very much does—but there’s a tacit acknowledgment that he can afford take these risks he can almost always bail himself and his family/friends out of any situation. (Money doesn’t solve all his problems; but, like actual money, it sure does help!)
The worst of messes become successes
I love this show, despite being an elder member of modern history’s poorest generational cohorts.
Today, adventures a la DuckTales are available only to members of the ultra-wealthy and those fortunate enough to have earned a spot in the inner circle.
Great work if you can get it.
(Intro) Life is like a hurricane here in Duckburg. Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes. It's a, duck-blur! Might solve a mystery or rewrite history! (Chorus) DuckTales! (Woo-oo!) Every day they're out there makin' DuckTales! (Woo-oo!) Tales of daring-do, bad, and good luck tales! (Verse 1) When it seems they're heading for the final curtain Cool deduction never fails—that's for certain. The worst of messes become successes! (Chorus) (Verse 2) D-D-D-Danger! (Watch behind you!) There's a stranger out to find you! What to do? Just grab on to some Duck Tales (Woo-oo!) (Instrumental Interlude) (Chorus) (Verse 2) (Chorus Loop) (Outro) No pony tails or cotton tails, no DuckTales. (Woo-oo!)
The Transformers (1984)
The title song’s lyrics, scansion, and melody is so forced I’m convinced the show was rushed to production without any conviction that American audiences would take to sentient transforming battle bots.
/ ˘ / / / / ˘ / ˘ / ˘ / ˘ / ˘ / ˘ ˘ / ˘ ˘Autobots wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons!
It’s the only line that describes what’s going on and they just square-peg smashed that line right in there.
Whew.
Forty years later this show feels oddly prescient, a harbinger for the battleground between the good and deceptive forces plaguing technology, media, and entertainment.
There’s still careers to be made in helping the good robots battle the evil robots, even if most of the robotic conflict is (still) fictional.
The Transformers: more than meets the eye! Autobots wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons! The Transformers: robots in disguise! The Transformers: more than meets the eye! The Transformers!
Align on the side of good, folks.
TailSpin (1990)
This show is about a small logistics business trying to survive in the face of corporate corruption.
Don’t remember this being about class warfare? I sure do!
- Baloo, the title character, is an easy-going cargo pilot who just wants to fly his plane.
- Kit, Baloo’s younger side kick, is a former air-pirate trying to make an honest living.
- Rebecca, an ambitious businesswoman, buys Baloo’s company before it could be repossessed by the bank. She becomes owner-operator, employing Baloo, and saving him from the poor house.
- All of the side characters, aside from the villains, are working-class folk who support each other in the struggle against economic hardships.
Friends for life through thick and thin with another tale to spin.
The primary antagonist, a tiger named Shere Kahn, runs a conglomerate that continually exploits natural resources, politicians, workers, and the media to grow his empire. He is unchecked corporate greed incarnate, interfering indiscriminately with the livelihoods of others in the pursuit of growth metrics. Rebecca and Baloo often find themselves on the receiving end of his unethical activities.
Spin it, let's begin it, bear and grin it when you're in it.
You can win it in a minute when you spin it, spin it, spin it.
They persist, sometimes aligning themselves with Shere Kahn when it suits his interests. For Rebecca and Baloo, there’s a victory in survival without compromising their morals. Shere Kahn maintains the upper hand due to his willingness to bend the rules.
Haha haha haha—Spin It!
As the business world sees increased consolidation and monopolistic practices, this show is a Rorschach test for any aspiring capitalist in the corporate jungle.
For my part, I’m on team Rebecca.
Haha haha haha—Spin It! Let's begin... Oh-ee-ay. TaleSpin. Oh-ee-oh. TaleSpin. Friends for life through thick and thin with another tale to spin. Oh-ee-ay. TaleSpin. Oh-ee-oh. TaleSpin. All the trouble we get in with another tale to spin. Spin it! Spin it, my friend. Oh-ee-ay. (Oh-ee-ay.) Oh-ee-oh. (Oh-ee-oh.) Oh-ee-ay. (Oh-ee-ay.) Oh-ee-oh. (Oh-ee-oh.) (Ay! Ay! Ay-ay, ay-ay!) Spin it, let's begin it, bear and grin it when you're in it. You can win it in a minute when you spin it, spin it, spin it. TaleSpin it. TaleSpin!
Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers (1989)
Oh, to be a chipmunk whose only concern is to solve mysteries with your partner and a crack-team of specialists.
Being tree-bound rodents, they are in it for the love of the game. Their work is intrinsically motivating and resources their activites with found and bartered objects from both the animal and human world.
They are beholden to no one.
They could choose to do nothing, or the bare minimum. Instead, they right wrongs and work towards helping the collective good.
I’m not sure they are compatible with our capitalistic world, but grit for grit’s sake is wholly admirable.
A good argument for what happens when folks don’t need to work to survive.
Sometimes some crime goes slippin' through the cracks, But these two gumshoes are pickin' up the slack. There's no case too big, no case too small— When you need help just call (Chorus) Ch-ch-ch-Chip 'n Dale('s) Rescue Rangers Ch-ch-ch-Chip 'n Dale When there's danger No, no, it never fails. Once they're involved Somehow whatever's wrong gets solved (Chorus) No, no, it never fails. They'll take the clues And find the where's and why's and who's (Chorus) Ch-ch-ch-Chip 'n Dale!
Darkwing Duck (1991)
This show is a total farce.
Daring duck of mystery, Champion of right, Swoops out of the shadows, Darkwing owns the night. Somewhere some villain schemes, But his number's up. (Thee two one!) Darkwing Duck (When there's trouble you call D.W.) Darkwing Duck (Let's get dangerous.) Darkwing Duck (Darkwing, Darkwing Duck!) Cloud of smoke and he appears, The master of surprise. Who's that cunning mind behind The shadowy disguise? Nobody knows for sure, Bad guys are out of luck. 'Cause here comes: Darkwing Duck! Look out! (When there's trouble you call D.W.) Darkwing Duck (Let's get dangerous) Darkwing Duck (Better watch out, you bad boys!) Darkwing Duck!
Some details that viewers of the original show may have missed:
- Darkwing Duck is a spin-off of DuckTales, set in the pulp/noir city of St. Canard. (Darkwing was never in Duckburg.)
- Launchpad McQuack is the only shared character between the series. He is Darkwing’s sidekick and Scrooge McDuck’s pilot. There is no other connection between the shows. The so no exposition, nor explanation. Ever.
- Darkwing Duck has no super powers.
- Darkwing Duck has no origin story. He just is.
I always imagined Drake Mallard, Darkwing’s civilian identity, to be working professional in a middle class job. Like a management consultant, accountant, or something so dull as to not be of interest. It’s not exactly clear what he does (or has done) to pay the bills, but it’s clear he’s no Bruce Wayne.
He’s an unattached drake who adopts a duckling named Gosalyn after she is orphaned by one of the show’s recurring antiheroes.
Instead of focusing on his career, he puts all of his efforts into his elevating his alter-ego’s theatrics, presence, and temperament in assuming the role of an unlikely vigilante. He’s like that guy that refuses to say what he does for a living when asked at a party, fearing that others might conflate his work with his identity.
His north star is vanity. He loves public adoration and recognition of his volunteerism, and his heroics when protecting his city. He values his worth by the challenges he faces as Darkwing Duck, and what he is able protect.
He is somewhere between neutral- and chaotic-good.
I suspect folks within the hacker group Anonymous feel a certain kinship with Drake Mallard.
The real world is absurd. Lean into it.
G.I. Joe (1983)
In the land of lawful good, there’s G.I. Joe.
Yeah, Joe! He'll fight for freedom wherever there's trouble, G.I. Joe is there. (Chorus) G.I. Joe. (A real american hero.) G.I. Joe is there! It's G.I. Joe against Cobra and Destro, fighting to save the day. He never gives up, he's always there, fighting for freedom over land and air. (Chorus) (Rap Interlude) G.I. Joe is the code name for America's daring highly-trained special mission force. Its purpose: to defend human freedom against Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world. (Chorus) He never gives up, he'll stay 'til the fight's won. G.I. Joe will dare. G.I. Joe!Audio: G.I. Joe Theme Song on YouTube
(Karaoke note: even though knowing half the battle, this show never really interested me beyond the cool action figures I had growing up. So I don’t know this one too well.)
Truthfully, I never watched much of this show. But, my action figures by the same name got a lot of action.
Honorable mention.
Captain Planet and the Planeteers (1990)
Much like trying to convince deniers that climate change is real, for me this show was lame, boring, and yet, necessary.
While panned by my friends and peers, I include it here because the song was catchy and I’d always listen to it before changing the channel.
I later learned that kiddos born 5-10 years after me had far more positive associations with the show. For them, the themes were easy to follow (good vs evil), and the overt messaging didn’t bother them.
Earth! Fire! Wind! Water! Heart! Go, planet! (Captain Planet) With your powers combined, I am Captain Planet! Captain Planet. He's our hero. 'Gonna take pollution down to zero. He's our powers magnified, And he's fighting on the planet's side. Captain Planet. He's our hero. 'Gonna take pollution down to zero. Gonna help him put asunder Bad guys who like to loot and plunder. (Villian) You'll pay for this, Captain Planet! We're the Planeteers! You can be one too! 'Cause saving our planet is the thing to do. Looting and polluting is not the way. Hear what Captain Planet has to say: (Captain Planet) "The Power is yours!"
I don’t know anyone who joined the EPA because of this show, but I’m sure there are some.
The messaging around “we’re in this together” and “protecting the environment requires collective action” stuck. I find myself (and my peers) adopting this value system within their work rather than having it become the main thrust of their work.
We are far more conscious of our collective environmental impact than when the show initially ran.
Ted Turner created this show.
The Ted Turner directly responsible for TBS, TNT, CNN, and much of America’s media landscape: despite having founded multiple TV stations, creating and running multiple networks with global viewership, and enabling hundreds of producers in their own creations, “Captain Planet and the Planeteers” is the only show he directly created and co-produced.
I wish more executives had the gumption (and ethics) to create more Captain Planets that normalize practical do-gooding.
There were objectively far-better shows on at the time—many on this list—and I’ll bet airing Captain Planet at the time they did bumped more profitable shows to lesser times, costing revenue. And I’ll further bet Ted knew that and did it anyway because getting the message out to kids like me was more important to him than any marginal revenue to be had.
Today we might be too fractured for a Captain Planet to matter anymore, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.
The power is ours.
Animaniacs (1993)
Two genius clips from my favorite animated variety show:
A love letter to creatives and the creative industry…
We have pay-or-play contracts.
…The Animaniacs gets meta. And is surprisingly edgy. And unhinged. Playing up old hollywood references, current pop culture, and unencumbered with plot through-lines, the format played well to the writing staff’s inner wackadoodles.
And we're zany to the max.
This show is the cartoon equivalent of what artist collectives, startup studios, and ad agencies wish they could put out into the world, but often end up on the cutting room floor. Nonetheless, each of these environments is the kind of place to let your imagination run wild—and get paid to let it!
Alas, in the creative pursuits, much of the talent (both the on-screen and off-screen talent) is chronically underpaid. Then again, oh boy what fun!
It's time for Animaniacs And we're zany to the max. So just sit back and relax, You'll laugh 'til you collapse. We're Animaniacs! Come join the Warner Brothers (and the Warner Sister, Dot). Just for fun we run around the Warner movie lot. They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught. But we break loose and then vamoose And now you know the plot. We're Animaniacs! Dot is cute and Yakko yaks. Wakko packs away the snacks While Bill Clinton plays the sax. We're Animaniacs! Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe. Goodfeathers flock together— Slappy whacks 'em with her purse. Buttons chases Mindy while Rita sings a verse. The writers flipped—we have no script, Why bother to rehearse? We're Animaniacs! We have pay-or-play contracts. We're zany to the max. There's baloney in our slacks. We're Ani-manie, Totally insane-y, (Here's the show's name-y) Animaniacs! Those are the facts.Audio: Animaniacs Theme Song on YouTube.
Their updated theme song is also very good and on-brand.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987)
In corpo-world, we’ve got skunk works and tiger teams: rag-tags with diverse skills called in to address existential risks and intractable problems. In defense-world, we’ve got SEAL teams, SWAT teams, fire brigades, and other tactical groups ready to respond.
For those trying to find their way in the working world, specialty teams are a great place for highly-skilled misfits.
Careful not to join a “turtle team” unless it also “ninja” and “mutant”. The animal alone doesn’t inspire much confidence or haste.
(Chorus) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (x3) Heroes in a half-shell: turtle power! They're the world's most fearsome fighting team (We're really hip!) They're heroes in the half-shell—and they're green (Hey, get a grip!) When the evil Shredder attacks These turtle boys don't cut 'em no slack. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (x2) Splinter taught them to be ninja teens (He's a radical rat!) Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines (That's a fact, Jack!) Raphael is cool but rude (Gimme a break!) Michelangelo is a party dude (Party!) (Chorus)Audio: TMNT Theme Song on YouTube.
Inspector Gadget (1983)
Inspector Gadget takes all the credit while his team does all the work.
As is true for many of this archetype, Inspector Gadget does not even know the lengths his team goes to to enable his success. Nor does he know the extent of his bumbling.
Inspector Gadget is nothing without his niece, Penny, and dog, Brain. The two work behind-the-scenes to compensate for the Inspector’s frequent fumbles, where his cyborg-like gadgetry hinders more than helps.
As for Inspector Gadget’s gadgets, well, they were invented by Professor Von Slickstein, a scientist working with the police. And yet, the inspector gets the moniker, not the inventor.
Now that I think of it, that a laptop-wielding, smartwatch-wearing girl leveraging practical technology to compensate for her hapless leader was super-progressive for the time.
(Chorus) Inspector Gadget (Woo-hoo!) Inspector Gadget (Chorus) (Bridge) Go, Gadget, Go! (x2) (Chorus)
So far as theme songs go, it is just as devoid of substance as its titular main character.
The title sequence itself is a frenetic solo-montage of Inspector Gadget moving about the world with seemingly great purpose while Penny and Brain, horrified by his incompetence, try to keep him from hurting himself. And yet, he still fails in spectacular fashion.
I can think of several CEOs running large, publicly-traded companies… who may be secretly well-meaning, who get far too much credit for the company’s inventions, and for whom their organizations would ultimately be far better off with more even leadership.
Stand Out from “A Goofy Movie” (1995)
“A Goofy Movie” isn’t a Saturday morning cartoon, and Stand Out isn’t a theme song, but it gets a special mention here because it predicts the rise of the social media influencer.
The song’s also super-catchy.
Not that Max Goof (our protagonist and son of Goofy) is an untalented hack. However, as suggested by the stand-out Stand Out song, his drive for attention seems greater than any drive to develop talent worth noticing.
Some people settle for the typical thing Livin' all their lives waitin' in the wings. It ain't no question of "if"; just a matter of time Before I move to the front of the line. And once you're watchin' every move that I make Ya gotta believe that I got what it takes (Chorus) To Stand Out Above the Crowd Even if I gotta shout it out loud 'Til mine is the only face you'll see Gonna Stand Out 'Til you notice me (yeah) If I could make you stop and take a look at me instead of just... Walkin' by... There's nothin' that I wouldn't do if it was gettin' you to notice... I'm alive... All I need is half a chance, A second thought—a second glance'll prove I got whatever it takes... (It's a piece of cake) (Chorus) Stand out, hey! Stand out! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Stand out! 'Til mine is the only face you'll see Gonna Stand out 'Til you notice meAudio: Stand Out on YouTube.
While its tritagonist love-interest Roxanne for whom Max wants the most attention, the song seems mostly about him, and not her. It’s also a touch arrogant. (Which, spoiler, is resolved in the end. Sort of.)
Also, the opening lyric strikes me as odd:
Some people settle for the typical thing
They’re dogs. All of them. Not people.
Continuity errors are lazy.
Bonus Track: I2I ← two decades later, this total bop holds up.
Afterward
Companies these days, having all the benefits of solving real world problems, bend themselves backwards to craft mission statements so generic as to be useless.
Fiction has to make sense. Cartoon theme songs did and still do. Companies have much to learn on this front.
Per usual, Weird Al Yankovic nails it with his 2014 song, “Mission Statement”.
We must all efficiently operationalize our strategies. Invest in world-class technology and leverage our core competencies... In order to holistically administrate exceptional synergy! We'll set a brand trajectory using management's philosophy. Advance our market share vis-à-vis our proven methodology With strong commitment to quality, effectively enhancing corporate synergy! Transitioning our company by awareness of functionality. Promoting viability, providing our supply chain with diversity (-versity). (Ooh-ooh) We will distill our identity through client-centric solutions and synergy. (Ooh ooh ooh) (Ahh ahh ahh) At the end of the day (at the end of the day), we must monetize our assets. The fundamentals have changed: can you visualize a value-added experience That will grow the business infrastructure and Monetize our assets (x3) (Instrumental interlude) Bringing to the table, our capitalized reputation Proactively overseeing day-to-day operations. Services and deliverables with cross-platform innovation. Networking, soon will bring seamless integration. Robust and scalable, bleeding-edge, and next-generation, Best of breed we'll succeed in achieving globalization! And gaining traction within our resources in the marketplace It's mission-critical to stay incentivized. Our business plan will foster flexible solutions for all our customer base. If you can't think outside the box, you'll be downsized. It's a paradigm shift! (Hey, Hey. Look out.) Well, it's a paradigm shift, now! (Here it come. (x4) — Hah!)Audio: Mission Statement on YouTube.